The Monster in the Closet

Fun Saturday. Ran five miles with my dad this morning. He is seventy years old and still makes me work to keep up. We ran along a trail that follows the edge of the Wasatch Mountains. A lot of people don?t know that most of Utah actually used to be a big lake. Apparently someone pulled the plug, because now much of Utah is desert. The trail is called the Lake Bonneville Trail, and it runs along what was once the shoreline.



After that, my wife and I took our two youngest boys out to lunch and to see Iron Man. Wow, so good! Robert Downey Jr. is a stud actor. Hope he continues to keep his life together now as I?d like to see him in a lot more movies. I also liked the scene after the credits. It gave me a fun idea for the actual release of Water Keep. Have to see what Shadow Mountain thinks of my idea.


Speaking of Shadow Mountain, I have a couple of updates. The ARCs are at press. Hoping they will be back before the end of the month. This also means they are working on the posters and bookmarks. Cool huh?

Also, they are going to do something pretty neat with the inside illustrations. (The illustrations are not in the ARCs.) Since the book is divided into four sections, they are going to do one picture at the beginning of each section. But what I think is really cool is that each picture is going to be a two page spread. It will cover both the left and right pages at the beginning of each part. Now I just have to come up with a couple of possibilities for each section. They need to represent the whole part of the book, but can?t give away too much. Hmmm, this is going to require some thought.

Finally, I received an e-mail from Daren H, with a couple of good questions. I thought I?d answer one of them today and the second one tomorrow. Here?s what he asked. (I?ve edited his letter a little to focus on the actual question.)

You mentioned, in one of your earlier posts, that you started Farworld with Marcus about to be ambushed. I was interested to see that the book actually begins with Bonesplinter's audience.

I have mixed feelings about that technique: On the one hand, it gives the reader a taste of things to come (and presumably an incentive to read through the initial material that sets up the story). On the other, one runs the risk of trivializing the antagonist--a fear you can define is less fearsome than one whose limits are not known.

Did you decide to begin with Bonesplinter in what is basically a prologue (as you mentioned in another post), or did the first chapter come out of the editorial process with Shadow Mountain? If it was the first case, I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on the pros and cons of revealing the antagonist at the very beginning. If it was the second case, I'd like to hear about your experience in the editorial process, the give and take between you and Lisa Mangum, and what you learned from it in terms of the craft of writing and elements that improve the books marketability.

Actually, now that I've written both questions, I'd like to hear your thoughts on both subjects.

Thanks for the questions, Daren. It?s funny you should ask this question now as I?ve recently had a rather interesting online discussion with several other authors regarding the pros and cons of prologues. I won?t rehash my take on prologues in this posting, but rather I?ll focus on the pros and cons of introducing an antagonist early in the book. And in particular why I chose to do it in Water Keep.

First of all let?s discuss what showing your hand early accomplishes and what it loses. As most of the masters of horror will tell you, the scariest monster is the one that?s still in the closet. The reason being is that, as a reader, you can imagine whatever might be the scariest to you. Once you open the closet door, you risk the reader going, ?Oh, it?s only a flesh eating spider with poison-dripping fangs and red eyes? I?ve seen dozens of those before.?

Another good reason for keeping the antagonist hidden is the mystery angle. Who really is the bad guy, and when and where will he strike? A great example of this was the first Harry Potter book. Voldemort is so frightening precisely because we don?t see him until the end of the book and then he is living on the back of someone?s head. Most creepy.

One of the problems with using this technique is the very fact that you must keep the antagonist in the closet. It doesn?t do you much good to hide the monster, only to have it show up in chapter 3. In a movie you could get away with having the creature strike so quickly you can?t see it clearly, or in the dark, or have it kill other characters. You can do the same thing in a book, but it limits your options. I personally like my protagonist to be proactive about fighting against his or her adversary. A proactive protagonist is much more likeable than someone who is always reacting to what?s thrown at them.

Another problem with using this technique is that in a fantasy series, you can really only get away with this trick in one book. Tough to keep the monster in the closet for five books. One way to get around this is to have progressively tougher antagonists to fight in each book. As your heroine grows stronger, so does her adversary.

I think it really comes down to what you?re trying to accomplish, and what each technique buys you. In my case, I had a couple of reasons for showing Bonesplinter early. The first is that Bonesplinter is going to show up soon anyway. Marcus needs to be put on the run early in the book, and the way I accomplish this is by having the bad guys show up.

Another equally important reason is that one of the biggest complaints I hear about YA fantasies is that they start too slowly. We typically first see our hero in rather ordinary circumstances (living under a staircase, in a hobbit hole, at a school.) This is so that we can throw them into extraordinary circumstances. I actually have two protagonists?Marcus and Kyja. Because of the way the story flows, we meet Marcus first. That means my first few chapters must take place on Earth. By showing Bonesplinter first, I accomplish two things. I get to introduce them (the boy and the girl) in the first chapter. And I get to give the reader a brief taste of my fantasy world.

Another thing to consider is that I actually reveal two potentially dangerous adversaries in chapter one, while hiding a third. We meet Bonesplinter, and get a taste of what is really going on in his head, (Can you say power hungry?) while also hinting at his back story. We meet the really nasty Summoners. But there is another baddy who stays in the shadows. What?s really going on in the head of the hidden antagonist? What is the figure hiding in the shadows up to? Of course there is the obvious. But is there more?

When I first thought up this series, I envisioned a story that grew like Lord of the Rings. In the first book we meet the two main characters, a couple of bad characters, and several side characters. There is a quest, lots of danger, several side stories, and a stopping point that wraps up one part of the story while leaving several things open, and introducing the next part of the quest.

As the series progresses, the danger appears on more fronts. We meet more heroes and the danger increases. Bonesplinter is not the only antagonist, and while there is plenty of swords and sorcery, there is also political intrigue, and battles on many fronts.

Could I have kept Bonesplinter hidden? Sure. And it would have worked just fine. But by introducing him early, we turn it from a horror/mystery to a thriller. We know who Bonesplinter is. But when will he strike next, and what might he be willing to do to increase his own power? And in the course of trying to complete their quest, Kyja and Marcus meet many more nasty creatures.

I guarantee you not all of the books in the series will start this way. In at least one of the books, you won?t see the scariest creature until the very end. But that?s another thing I like to see in a series. Surprise me. Instead of giving me five books that are different versions of the same song, take a new angle. I want each book to be bigger and better than the one before it, so I can?t wait for the next one to come out.

Hope that answers your question. Tomorrow I?ll write about the editing process and how it works best for me.

Beginnings, and Prologues, and Talking Bears . . .Oh My

Wow, great thoughts on villains everyone. Mostly, I try to remember that villain is spelled ?ai? and not ?ia.? Button eyes, though. Now that is creepy. I thought Stephen King?s recurring villain, Randall Flagg was pretty creepy. As far as Disney villains, Ursula was pretty nasty with her pet eels. Anyone remember their names without Googling?

Also, thanks for dropping by Queen of Chaos, Becky, and Onelowerlight. Love your sites. And Becky, I have no idea how you keep up with so many BLOGS.

Okay, so I promised that today we?d talk about beginnings, prologues, and talking animals. Let?s see, always begin your prologue with an animal that talks. Thank you folks, you?ve been a great audience. Please don?t forget to tip the hat girl on your way out, and remember, we?re here six nights a week.

No? Oh, alright then. Eeenie, meenie, minnie, moe. Let?s start with beginnings. The goal of your first sentence is to do one thing. Can you guess? To get the reader to read the second sentence. That?s the main goal of the beginning of your story, to keep the reader reading. If they shut the book, anything else you might want to accomplish is impossible. Did you know that agents and editors don?t make it past the first page of most manuscripts? If you don?t hook the reader in those first few lines, you are out of luck.

The problem is that the best ways to hook the reader are often the beginnings that come least easily to most writers. And the ways we tend to want to start our books our often the ways the turn off an agent, editor, and reader. So let?s begin by examining a few ways not to start your book.

Flashback/Foreshadowing


Jane remembered the first time she?d sat on this very rock. It was the day after Michael left. She remembered the wind had been blowing cold, and her face had been raw and chapped by the tears she?d shed over the last few days. Mary had arrived holding the handle of her unusual umbrella. But all Jane wanted to do was curl up in a ball, drink some lime cordial, and . . .

Or

Little did Mickey realize as he headed to the laboratory that only an hour later he would be fighting for his life with a giant but deadly mop.


First of all, why are so many authors drawn to the flashback? I think it?s because inside they realize where the story needs to begin, but they feel they absolutely must provide the reader with all of the background information necessary to ?appreciate? the story. Wrong. What the reader wants is immediacy. What is more interesting? A car chase happening right outside your window at this very moment, or someone recounting a chase that happened years before? To capture the reader?s attention, you must engage them. To engage them, you must catch their interest right now.

I?m not saying you can?t use flashbacks in your story. But not at the beginning. Even then, any time you are tempted to use a flashback, ask yourself if it is essential to the story or if the background information can be conveyed via implied history, dialog, or internal monologue.

Heavy handed foreshadowing is nearly as bad. You can accomplish the same thing in the sentence above, by saying, ?Mickey was sure he would be in and out of the laboratory in thirty minutes, an hour tops.? This isn?t nearly as intrusive and heavy handed, but the reader will still jump to the conclusion that for some reason Mickey is going to run into trouble.

Dream


?Now I have you!? the ogre shouted, placing his spear tip against Mickey?s throat. Mickey, tried to pull away, but the flint cut cruelly into his furry flesh, drawing blood. Mickey knew he had only one chance. He needed his wand. It was less than a foot away, but before he could think of a scheme to reach it, the ogre sneered.


?Too late, Sorcerer. Now you will taste death.? The ogre rammed the spear into Mickey?s throat. Mickey coughed out a red spray?which coincidentally matched his outfit?as his life bled onto the ground. It was finished. He was dead.


Mickey jerked awake with a moan. ?Oh, boy!? he cried in his squeaky voice. ?What a dream.?

The first two paragraphs are exciting right? (Okay, also a little gratuitously gory.) They are definitely immediate. The problem is the third paragraph. Again, the writer is trying to use a trick or gimmick to hook the reader. Typically because inside they know their beginning is not as exciting as it should be. Often the writer uses a dream sequence to hook the header before finding out the protagonist is actually daydreaming at his desk or waking up to go to school. Yawn!

The problem is, readers don?t like to be tricked. Nothing pulls the reader out of a story more quickly than realizing the author used a gimmick to get their attention. Agents and editors will drop a manuscript as soon as they see it is starting with a dream. This is a big no-no.

Killing off a character too early


?Can I get you a cup of coffee??


?Certainly,? replied Jane. ?With a little cream if you have it.?


?Of course.? As Tarzan started toward the kitchen, the jealous hunter stepped into the living room and began to spray bullets. Tarzan crumpled to the ground, dead.


Okay, now this is exciting. It?s immediate. It?s not exactly a trick. So what doesn?t work with this beginning? The reader doesn?t care. I don?t know who Tarzan is, other than the fact that he seems to make a good cup of coffee. To the author this may be a poignant scene worthy of many tears. But that?s because they know that Tarzan is a hunky, leopard-skin-wearing swinger who protects little kids from bullies and donates his spare time knitting vine sweaters for less fortunate seniors. The author is crying buckets as they peck out this sad, sad beginning.

But since the author didn?t take time to let us meet Tarzan first?and hopefully come to like him?they?re shaking their heads and going, ?Huh. Wonder what that was all about?? It doesn?t take much, maybe only a page or so, but you have to make the reader care about a main character whom you are going to kill off at the beginning of the book. If the point is to just kill off some place holder, you might be able to get away with it, but even then it?s better if you can create a connection in some other way (tension, humor, action, etc.)

Sticking with the emotion theme, the next way to wreck a good beginning is with . . .

Unearned emotions


?Why?? Jasmine wailed, pounding her fists against the useless lamp. Hot tears dripped down her cheeks as she gnashed her teeth. It was so unfair!


?Why did he have to die?? She?d loved him so much?more than life itself. He was everything to her. Her little street rat. And now he was gone. Stabbed by a maniacal street vendor. She pressed her face against her silk pillow and wept until she finally fell asleep and dreamed about an ogre and a white-gloved rodent.

Can you guess what?s wrong with this beginning? I?ll give you a hint. It?s a lot like the problem with the last one. You haven?t earned the care of the reader yet. Again, you are relying on what you, the author, know about Jasmine?s situation. Because you know what?s happening here, the scene tugs at your heart. But to the reader, Jasmine is a whinny, snot-nosed, cry baby. If you want the reader to feel the pain of your protagonist, you have to earn it by creating a bond between reader and character.

Last, and perhaps most despicable, is . . .

Flowery descriptions


It was a warm day for early spring, and the smell of jasmine floated on the slightly damp air?the flower, not the spoiled princess. Everywhere Aurora looked, signs of life abounded. Red throated warblers warbled, sprouts sprouted, fuzzy little bunnies . . . did whatever it was bunnies do. The sun peeked down from between the branches of the aspens and maples. It was a wonderful day to be alive. If only she could find a prince to help her celebrate her sixteenth birthday.

If you don?t know what?s wrong with this scene, you haven?t been listening. Is it exciting? Is it immediate? Does it make the reader go, ?Yowza! I can?t wait to see what happens next!? If it does, this is not a reader you want to invite to your next party. As a writer you often begin with the scene inside your head. That?s why stories begin with things like, ?It was a dark and stormy night.? Scenes are cool and they add a ton of value, but very seldom are they the way to hook your reader.

Next we?ll talk about how to create good beginnings. But since this blog is getting pretty long and I promised I?d cover two more things, we?ll save good beginnings for tomorrow.

Prologues

This is almost as dicey a subject as my anti-SASE stance, which always gets me in trouble with other authors, but I?ll forge ahead at my own risk. Prologues are cool. One of the neatest things about them is that you can use any point of view, any tense, and start anywhere. The prologue is like a separate piece of the book that doesn?t have to follow the same rules.

However, there are two problems with prologues. While good readers?which means everyone who would read this blog?read prologues, many readers don?t. They see prologue and read ?optional.? This is especially bad because authors often use prologues for one or both of two reasons. Chapter one is boring, so they start with an exciting prologue or key information needs to be given to the reader that doesn?t fit well into the rest of the story. Maybe it is an event that happened hundreds of years before. Maybe it is a scene the protagonist isn?t there to witness.

If this is the case, there are two choices you can make as the author. Either you write a prologue anyway, and say ?Skip it at your own risk.? Or you write the story in such a way that the prologue is not necessary. Don?t like either of those choices? That?s okay neither do I. Which is why I opt for a third choice.

Write the prologue, but call it chapter one.

Finally we come to talking animals. Who doesn?t like talking animals? Without talking animals we wouldn?t have Mickey Mouse, Big Bird, or Thomas the Tank Engine. Okay he?s not really an animal, but you get my point.

Talking animals are cool. Dr. Doolittle thought so and so do I. In fact one my favorite characters in my book is a horse that tells really corny jokes like, ?Knock, knock.? ?Who?s there?? ?Dishes.? ?Dishes, who?? ?Dishes the coldest it?s been in weeks.?

It?s okay, go ahead and groan. I won?t be offended . . . much. Treat your talking animals the same way you would with talking people. Make sure that their attitudes, speech patterns, and motivations are different enough that people could tell them apart even if you couldn?t use speech tags.


So there you have it. Don?t kill off your characters too soon. Do include talking animals. And include prologues at your own risk. See you tomorrow.